stuff from my insides...out

Alex Meraz, will be playing the role of Paul in the upcoming movie New Moon, of the . All this time I was sooo TEAM EDWARD...now I know why Bella was confused!!!

On Easter, we made sure to leave a lil earlier because of the extra parishioners fulfilling their Easter Sunday obligation. Even though we were early, the spot we usually sit in was taken. I saw some parishioners that we see on a weekly basis trying just as hard as me to not sigh because "They took our seats." LOL. So we get situated and its time for the readings. I can hear the people behind me ruffling through the misslette, trying to find where the first reading was. I decided to raise my misslette enough knowing they can clearly see what page we were on since the Psalm was at that point being sung. I no longer heard the fumbling through pages. I couldn't help but snicker. I snickered because I was like wow Lord, this is what you want me to pray for today as we celebrate your Resurrection...for your children to come back home to Church on a consistent basis. Just because I'm ahead of them and know the movements of mass, it doesn't make me any better or ahead of them. It doesn't classify me as a non-check list Catholic.

We were off at the butt crack of dawn for our vacay the next day. All inclusive package for the entirety of the trip. FABULOUS!!! It was sooo easy to get used to it. The food, the drinks, just lounging. To think, it came at a price and how soon it would all end. Interestingly enough, it ended with some how some way, we get booked first class tickets the whole way home.

FIRST CLASS...our baggage was 5 pounds overweight...I was so ready to rearrange everything...NO PROBLEM MAHN! first class privilege...no extra charge =D I can get used to this! Then we get on the plane...I was feeling all sorts of feelings...We were in ZONE 1 =D got on the plane first...Then BAM...everyone else started to board...and I started to feel sooooo uncomfortable because they'd look at me and my family dead in the eye...and I was reminded of many a times when I'd look at the people in first class and think wow, you're lucky. Wonder if I can ever sit here. There I was, turning away...screaming inside I'm just like you! We sat in the last row on the way here!!! but at the same time, I was totally loving the steward asking me if I wanted more wine, if i wanted Oreos, Snickers, Twix or M&Ms...

Here we are today on Divine Mercy Sunday...His Love for us is FIRST CLASS...can't get any better than that. So we don't have a tone the material luxuries that make things nicer...fancy car, designer wardrobe, hooked up homes...we have something that is greater than first class, Our Savior who died on the cross.

I praise the Lord for this past week...its definitely been enlightening AGAIN. At this point, what I strive to do in order to live first class is to pray that I live Heaven on earth.

Patterns and Characteristics of Co-dependence

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.


Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.


Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.


Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.

I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

So in reflection what Jesus went through in love and mercy...I'm pondering what my Passion, Death and Resurrection is like.

I want to live my life like its heaven on earth. I don't want to be completely co-dependant on someone or viceversa...I want to be completely, wholly and ONLY dependant on HIM.

I'm eager to see what HE has in store this Easter.

SAVIOR, PLEASE