Well??? and WOW!!! came to mind. It made me reflect about how and what I know about myself and others. If the old me and potentially the not so old me were around for this conversation, typical reactions: I'd be PISSED and angry...but I just looked at them and was like WOW...that 's how you feel about me. Do you see Jesus in me at all?
It made me think about others in my life... how well do I know them and how well do I know myself? I missed my Pop again...I thought about the last time I hugged him and how if I could just hug him one more time...and I remembered this picture from my wedding...Father-Daughter dance to All My Life, the Beatles.
For the first time in a long time...I can say that we are in a place right now that does not seem to bee so challenging. In fact, I don't know or recall ever feeling this safe and secure...but then again, my faith has grown so much so that I've let go of and accepted a lot. All my life up until very very recently was the grass is greener on the other side, getting short changed and ugh...door slammed in my face AGAIN..blah, blah blah...you know how that goes!
So many new and different things are happening...Addy is talking in two-word phrases, Den Den is more entertaining that ever...7 days and counting till the Rachel's Vineyard weekend...I pray that when I return from serving there, I am more yielded and have a more pristine and refined dialogue with the Lord. That same Friday, Salabugan at BLD...Cookie will meet our shepherd. Next thing ya know...its LSS. Ah...I can't wait. I really can't wait.
A blog of something, but feels like nothing right now. I guess the 2 biggest things on my mind are:
Significant changes.
Lord, let me desire what you will for my family and I. Lord, let me need what you will for my loved ones and I. Give me the grace to be still and patient...to listen to you.
I was affirmed and comforted with the following verse this morning...2 Kings 20:5 I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you." Oh Lord...thank you for your word. Thank you for fulfilling your end of the promise...even when I fall short on my part.
Ash Whenisdisdayober so I can eat meat! just kidding...
started today off praying to the Lord and revering HIM half asleep in His majesty and splendor PRAYING that He'll help me with my self- control issues...then BEG Him for the energy to get outta bed.
Been thinking about what I want to offer in fasting and abstinence this Lenten season along with what to add to my normal praying routine. This Lent is going to be more than the past...not only this a time of returning back to the Lord, but I am preparing to serve at for the Archdiocese of Newark with the Respect For Life office and Rachel's Vineyard, a retreat for post-abortive men and women AND preparing to take LSS with Cookie as a married couple with our ME#30 class.
As the ashes on my forehead are a subtle reminder of death and that one day...I will return to the ash/dirt that the Lord used to create Adam out of and breathed life in his nostrils...I pray those things that I am still working on are to put it to death...may the Lord give me the strength, recognition and trust in Him to do just that...put it to death. Those lingering things...that I thought I was over but am not quite over...I pray this Lenten season in preparing for Rachel's Vineyard and LSS, I am able to do so with Him.
I went to a meeting Monday night as I listed and prayed with and other Women of God and I realized, not only am I NOT OK, but there are so many other things I need to pray for...
Casting Crown’s song and certain lyrics just reach out and grab me…
"Does Anybody Hear Her"
She is running its like I keep on going...non-stop, there is always something.
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying I keep praying that I follow HIM as a wife, mother, daughter and friend.
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart some parts of my heart are still cold...
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind I've been working in His vineyard...but what have I accomplished? What's improved adn what have I yet to work on?
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today Can you hear me screaming? Do I look like I need you to just be or just listen? or just commiserate with me?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home Still have a few more judgments, inner vows and bitter root expectations to nail to the cross...they were so subtle, but the Lord is making them loud and clear.
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day Save me Jesus...Help me Jesus...Carry me through this.
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
He is running A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
I'm tired Lord. I'm not ok. I'm not who I was. I look forward to what you are recreating me to be as I am in your image and likeness, but a trapped in a mind and heart that I created as my own hiding place...Help me to find the strength to change my heart...Help me to find the means to change my heart and mind to reflect your Sacred Heart after your perfect will. Help me to find time to listen to your word of Life that created me and recreates me.
Holy family of God, pray for us. Papa, Angelina and Joshua, please pray to Jesus for me.
