God knew what I needed through my husband...im overwhelmed how blessed I am.
Happy Birthday CC! Was so nice to have you to ourselves for the night!
June 18, 2015 I committed to the 40th Marine Corps Marathon. This was my email and FB page info to everyone:
Hello family and friends,
I've officially lost my mind, fallen off my rocker, yes, I've possibly gone a bit overboard. Or maybe I haven't!!!
Why is this different from any other day?
Well, I've committed to run a marathon...26.2 miles; the .2 makes a difference!!!
***insert awkward silence here***
So here's the skinny…
I'm running with the MARSOC Foundation, a Marine Corps Marathon Charity Partner team. To motivate and not wimp out, I'm committing to training, running ALL 26.2 miles on 10/25/15 while raising funds. This is the least I can do to give back to these soldiers for laying down their lives for me, you and our loved ones. I don't just want to run a marathon…I want to have a purpose.
LOOK A SISTER OUT!!!
I need your support…spiritually, mentally, emotionally and financially. My goal is to raise $750 for active duty and medically retired MARSOC personnel and their families, as well the families of Marines and Sailors who have lost their lives in service to our Nation through the MARSOC Foundation. I'm welcoming all donations, no amount is too small!!!
Where can you donate for moi?
RIGHT HERE: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/tessmontemayor/2015-marine-corps-marathon-charity-partner-team
If your company matches, kindly consider donating with your company's support.
Organization details:
Organization: MARSOC Foundation
EIN: 452913544
Address: PO Box 2018 Temecula, CA 92593-2018
Contact: Sarah Christian Director of Operations
Phone: (951)551-9309
Fax: (951)444-7432
Website: https://www.marsocfoundation.org/
So, yes, this married, full-time working mama is layering in a training plan into an already hectic schedule. One thing is for sure, IT FEELS RIGHT!!! So yea, I need your encouragement as much as possible :) Whether it's a silent prayer, a monetary donation, or a message on my FB wall, "You ARE crazy," or a text "want to grab a beer and burger after your long run"...I NEED IT! Beer and burgers, carbs and protein…totally need it for my race :)
So let me close with this question: Do I have your exclusive commitment to support me on this journey?
I will make you proud because your support will keep me motivated 
Peace and love,
Tess
Training was not as consistent and strong as I would've liked...
1. I nursed my left leg because of previous stress fracture from training for Disney Marathon
2. I was traveling at least once a month for work for a week at a time
Not strong excuses, but toss in there work life balance, social commitments, vacation, etc...I did what I could.
Training in the summer was HARD. Training while traveling and on a major project made it that much more challenging. Taking a 10 day vacation at the culminating point of training, just crazy. But with God and support of my family, I persevered.
September 20, 2015 For a pulse check of where I stood training wise, I did the 18 miler Tune Up in Central Park. The run was a reality check of what lay ahead. The hills, the cramps, the fatigue all were great indicators of what lay ahead.
September 26, 2015 I did the Beat the Blerch Half Marathon trail run in Morristown, NJ. Uhm...train run? I was expecting the pretty trails of the Super Spartan race in Vernon. NOT dirt mountain trails. Yea...that was the toughest half marathon ever.
October 3, 2015 My 20 miler was in town. I looped a 10 mile radius around our house. Cooks decided to run the last 5 miles with me. He was hurting because he played a ton of basketball before running with me lol.
October 23, 2015 Started the day a nervous wreck! could not believe I was going to run 26.2 miles. I was excited, happy and giddy. Drove down to DC with Cooks and our boys with an honorary stop at Chaps Pitt Beef for yummy pit beef sandwiches. Made it to our hotel pretty late and met up with Stacy. The extra cot took some time so lights out was pretty late like 1AM late.
October 24, 2015 Woke up tired and early. Started to motivate and get ready. Drove into DC, grabbed Starbucks and walked to the Expo. Toured the Expo, got taped up and left with some chotchkies and a expo only bargains. Walked to Chinatown and hit up Noodle Factory for lunch. Headed to the hotel, took a refreshing nap and made it to 5:30 PM mass. Was pleasantly surprised with a blessing for all the runners. I was spent. Walked toward our hotel and stopped at a La Botella for dinner. I was planning take out but don't know how we ended up waiting to be seated. Waited for what seemed like forever. I was exhausted, hungry and upset that I was not in bed resting yet. Finally had a half decent dinner. Chicken marsala is what I chose and I wish it didn't taste as sweet and weird as it did. Made it to Stacy's hotel and spent the night with her by 10ish with lights out around midnight. Five hours later...I wake up.
October 25, 2015 Woke up exhausted. I was upset with myself for not being rested. Of all my long runs, the biggest of all, I was not rested. Got ready and headed out. There was a Starbucks in the hotel where I should've gotten my shot of espresso that I normally take before a run. Again, disappointed with myself for not following my routine pre-long run. No breakfast too. Took the Metro flowing with runners and got off at the Pentagon. It was still pretty dark. Saw some Port-A Potties and decided to go. Took a long time because of the long lines. Walked over to where the metal detectors were and there was a standstill. The crowd just seemed to get bigger and bigger. It was starting to get light out and rain. As it got brighter, we were getting closer to the the start time, but the crowd wasn't budging. We missed the official start and watched the jumpers from the planes from where we stood. Turns out there were not enough metal detectors...they ended up opening up the gates and it became a dash to the start.
Somewhere in between waiting the metal detectors and heading to the start, I lost my extra pack of Tailwind; Tailwind was my only source of fuel. I had half a pack mixed in my water bottles and the rest in my front pocket. I crossed the start, thought I turned on my Garmin and Nike app to track my run. Garmin was good to go. Something told me to check my Nike app .5 miles into the run and it was still on pause. I unpaused it and just took in the energy of the cheering. It was raining so I was trying to be mindful of my steps to avoid slipping. The first few miles were hills and a huge amount of cheering. Around mile 7/8, my tummy started to bug me. I stopped at a Port-A-Potty. I got impatient because the line was long, I was getting cold and started to feel the pressure of not making it to the bridge and potentially getting picked up by they bus. I decided to run again. Ran a few more miles and stopped at another Port-A-Potty. I tried to keep going...my momentum was disrupted. I text Cookie to tell my him that I keep stopping at the Port-A-Potty and was so upset. He replied saying I can do it and will meet me at mail 18 by the Smithsonian. I got it together and entered the Blue mile. Three quarters of this this mile were photos of fallen heroes with their birth dates, when they passe and how the passed. It was moving. The last quarter of the mile were of American flags with medals. I was moved to tears. It was so humbling and beautiful to be able to run through. I tried to read as many names as I could and their respective details.
I kept running and took in as much of the cheering as I could. I stopped at another Port-A-Potty and as I left, my left hand moved in a way where it paused my Garmin. Rather than un-pausing it, I saved my run and had to start over. The rest of the run was a mind game. I kept telling myself get to mile 18 and find Cookie and the boys. I pushed and walked and pushed as much as I can. I got to the Smithsonian, saw Leah and kissed her hello and she pointed out Cookie and my boys. I crossed the street and kissed and hugged my family. I ran and walked and took in the cheering. Mile 19 I saw the whole cheer squad with my boys, Ekie, Ekie's cousin, Leah, Mark, Gemma, Zerene and Lyndsey. It was so awesome to experience that because I totally didn't expect to see them there. I ran and walked as much as I could and just made it to the bridge. I ran the first quarter of the bridge to the mile 20 marker. I took a selfie and pressed on. While on the bridge, I totally slammed into my wall. I trotted at some points but literally walked. After crossing the bridge, ran/walked passed our hotel. I desperately wanted to leave!!! I saw a Port-A-Potty and stopped again. I stayed in there the longest out of all my stops. My stomach was ANGRY, my body was beat and my mind was sad. I barely ran and walked a lot...I felt so defeated. I felt like my whole marathon experience was ruined because I spent so much time in a Port-A-Potty. I don't know how I got by, but when I saw the starting line and the Pentagon. I was trying to push myself to start walking fast or light jogging. I wanted to get to the the finish. I was embarrassed of how long it was talking me to finish. I felt terrible that all these people could've been waiting for me. I finally saw Mile 26 and started to run. The last .2 of the race was uphill by Arlington cemetery. When I got close to the top of the hill, I saw our awesome cheer squad. I started to tear up and pushed to cross the finish line, and I did :) There were Marines with medals everywhere!!! I spotted a Marine with one medal left and went up to him. I wasn't too sure what to do hahaha...he asked me how I felt and I said, "I feel phenomenal!" He put the medal around my neck, took a step back and saluted me. He said, "Thank you Mam for your service." I CRIED! I was beyond words. I said, "Thank me? THANK YOU for YOUR SERVICE!!!" I found Stacy and met up with our loved ones and friends.
If I could do it again, I would arrive 2 days before the race, bring my own food and change up my training. I wrestled with the thought to do the marathon because of my tummy issues the last half of the run. Who knows. I got my medal and some cool 40th MCM gear. I got my marathon experience at 40 years old and I not only exceeded my financial goal, almost doubled it. The Marines were awesome! The cheering was amazing. Thank you Lord for this experience and everything that came with it. It was not a perfect run, but certainly an experience that was only possible with God.
Been forever since I wrote here...
On Nov 1, 2012, at 11:21 PM, Tess Montemayor <mtmontemayor@gmail.com> wrote:
God's message to me tonight:ROM 5:5-12"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.Blessed are the peacemakers,for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.HIS ORDER: Rejoice and be glad,HIS PROMISE: for your reward will be great in heaven."
God's message to me tonight:
Organization is important. What you put into something is what you get out of it. At the end of researching, planning and fine tuning...expectations come to play.
Are expectations a good thing or a bad thing? They are good as they give you something to aspire for...to look forward to a positive outcome. But then, they can be bad...you have something in mind and it doesn't turn out that way. When all is said and done, you are angry, frustrated and disappointed.
What's the secret to not getting disappointed and wanting to just shut down? An anointing of mercy is needed. Mercy helps see why rather the how come. Many times people disappoint us when they don't meet out expectations and it can be a challenge to look past the hurt.
Thanks be to God, we have the this grace and we all could use a little more of it. He does say...I desire mercy not sacrifice.
How tender are you when you realize something about yourself that you've known for so long, however come to the realization that its BIGGER than what you thought it was?
It is amazing how our Lord reveals things to us in the way He does when He does.
I knew I'd use this Lenten season to recover and all those other "r" things...but wow. Its funny...the things we say over and over, like ONLY ME or WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED, especially those things out of sarcasm and cynicism in fact are fruits of deep seeded wounds that we may think we are so over...when in fact we are not.
I must say our Lord really is using this time to help me see myself under a microscope. PS...I noticed this one LONG wrinkle and some little ones around it on my forehead that is becoming prominent...much like some the things He's revealed to me! I need to find the energy to accept it and take me as I am! But I'm so tender and sore and hurt...because it IS a deep hurt. I want to do want I need to do to help the healing move along...
I'm anxious for my new life and to move forward from it. That's the only way I want to move...forward and only tender for HIM.
..second chances. It never ceases to amaze me how good God is. Once again, HE gave wretched me the honor to fall deeper in love with HIM.
Just when I start to fall short of faith...ever so gingerly, ever so perfectly our Lord just reels me back in. How often and how easily do I fall into the peril of cynicism, indifference and lack of faith. How imperfect and blind am I to that which is grace...often enough I am able to persuade myself into believing what my perceptions of justified are to be when in fact my life is OVERFLOWING and abounding in grace. To think, in my own world, I think I'm barely scrapping the bottom of the barrel but in reality, I couldn't have it any better.
Over the years, so many parts of me died. Some things were that of MY CHOICE as others were not in my scheme of plans. Regardless of the loss, I've been recreated...ever evolving into a newer and improved creation. Our God loves us the way we are, but loves us more that He doesn't leave us as we are- HE makes us stronger, wiser and more humble.
To be reminded of poor choices and to suffer the effects and repercussions is never easy. With unconditional love, mercy and grace...HE just makes it easier. Who does that? Only a loving Father, one who is tender and caring does that. A Father that expresses his hurt, but shows support and helps point out the lesson to be learned.
Abba Father, you amaze me. I am in awe of you; how you welcome me home and celebrate after deserting You... You knock me off my feet when I tell you me how you recognized that I've been with You, doing my best for you and helping me realize I am called to LOVE others who have left You. You listen to my fears, heal my hurts and wipe away my tears...so patiently, so lovingly despite how unreasonable I can be.
My Lord, you've brought me to my knees today. You didn't throw it in my face that YOU are GOD, but lovingly reminded me that You love me despite my past.
Thank YOU Abba Father for the gifts of life and love, Angelina Marie and Joshua Eric. The void I chose to create that of a murderer...YOU fill with healing love and add to it, bless my family and I with 2 angels, 2 intercessors in Paradise with you.
My darling Angelina and Joshua, I see the fruit of your prayers. The love that comes from our heavenly Father is selflessly poured out from you. I'm sorry you were denied your chance to taste your first solid food, to have a birthday party, lose your first tooth or to ask me Why Mama? I denied you both the chance to live on earth. To think...despite never having the chance to do so many things your brothers have gotten to do...you will never ever have to encounter sacrifice, sadness or pain. Instead...what I thought was 2 of the worst choices I'll ever make, Abba Father turned into one of my greatest blessings- my very own angels in heaven. What a mighty God. Thank you my beloved ones. How can I ever repay you for your abounding forgiveness. How I love you both dearly and look forward to our reunion. Until we meet face to face in Paradise.
Thank you Father for the gift of forgiveness of choosing my will over Yours...Only Our God can take something so wretched and make it so precious.
Glory be to God forever and ever...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I received this today and I'm sure usually its a 'forwarded' type thing, but the person who sent it is a intelligent, witty, down to earth lady whom I've shared wonderful conversations with-but never about faith or religion. It made my heart smile when she said, 'I like reading this'
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Where I am today and who I have in my life and answers to some of my questions are in these few sentences. Funny enough, I normally find these forwards annoying especially when it ends with something, 'forward this to 2 people to show you love God. Forward this to 10 people and show you REALLY love God.' But not today. Thanks Lord.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I can be in the desert with my Lord. That is what I want this Lent. To rest and chill out looking inward with HIM. I'm using Lent for rest and recovery. Enough excuses. Enough complaining. Enough hiding behind things. Making an effort to clear out obstacles within my control. No more permission to cross my boundaries. Getting and emotional grip-with Him.
Reflect. Realize. Repent. Recover.
Just gotta shuddup and pray ;)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Testing, testing, 4, 5, 6!!! Email!!!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Testing, testing 1, 2, 3...checking out blogging through my phone =) text!
Long time no write...interesting, last entry was about not being sure about work...that's still the same. NO CLUE however since the last post, they kept me, let go of my boss and a few key people that apparently were "not performing" as the company expected...I've busting my a$$ the last few months to keep my job! I have no idea what work will be like. All I know is they are striving for excellence, no room for error. Makes me wonder why am I there. The latter part of 2009, my daily prayer simply was, YOUR will Lord, not mine for every aspect of my life.
Personal life in 2009 to say the least, my DH and I have grown and then some. My children, amazing. Pure entertainment! They get me through it all...my instruments of love from the Lord.
What I've learned in 2009:
- I'm not Tess " Jesus Christ" <insert last name here>
- I've begun establishing boundaries
- I've learned to say NO and fight the guilt that's associate with saying "No I can't."
- I've begun to say out loud, I can't do it, can you do it
- Shutting down is healthy
2o09...never a dull moment. Seems to be it's spilling over into 2010. We shall see...
In 2010:
- Only RSVP for 1 event on the weekends, either Saturday or Sunday, not both
- Make a list of things to do as a family
- Talk less, listen more
- Pray and Fast weekly
- Read more
Incorporating these things into my life will help me learn more =) I just want to get better...not be the best, but improve.
So I told a white lie. I said that I wasn't worried about the present situation at my job. GUESS WHAT. I am now...
We got an email indicating my group will receive the time on Friday via email on what time our appointment is on Monday, 05/18/09 on the status of where I am within the organization. Don't know how to take it. Not sure if I'll be OK or not...
My boss' boss pulled us into her office today. She started to get emotional and expressed how happy she was to work with us, to be a part of our group. She affirmed our talents and what we were capable of as a group and as individuals. I had mixed emotions. Initially, it was as if she was in a round about way telling us she was no longer leading us, but then again, she really has no idea.
Its tough times nowadays. TOUGH. It stunk to have a "pseudo" goodbye...but really it's SO in HIS hands. There is no control over the situation.
After going through this process on numerous occasions, I thought I was numb and indifferent to it all. But wow. It hit me and it hit me HARD.
But what can I do other than let it out and pray. I know He has had something written in the heavens for ever so long. As human as I am, I still struggle with trusting and knowing the future full of hope in store for my family and I.
It would shatter me to pieces if I were no longer have to work at GSK. I grew up here...LIKE LITERALLY. Been here since I was 20. WOW...
I'm bracing myself Lord...clinging to YOU and holding fast to your promises.
REMAIN IN ME...I'm trying Lord! Hook it up Holy Spirit =)
I had no idea what our marriage would be like 6.5 years and 2 boys later. Looking back, my junior and senior prom experiences were cool. I'm just extremely grateful for being past those days of insecurity and questioning and wondering if he "loves" me and if she's "my friend."I have to admit...there are many a times that its tough. It's so easy to focus on the tough things. But wow...in the last month's activities...its been nothing but one enlightening moment after another. Never would I fathom who I am today, how I am today and who is in my life today..and I wouldn't want it any other way.
My life is like wine...it's definitely gotten better over time. What a blessing =) I can't wait to see what it's like in another 6.5 years =)
Alex Meraz, will be playing the role of Paul in the upcoming movie New Moon, of the . All this time I was sooo TEAM EDWARD...now I know why Bella was confused!!!
We were off at the butt crack of dawn for our vacay the next day. All inclusive package for the entirety of the trip. FABULOUS!!! It was sooo easy to get used to it. The food, the drinks, just lounging. To think, it came at a price and how soon it would all end. Interestingly enough, it ended with some how some way, we get booked first class tickets the whole way home.
FIRST CLASS...our baggage was 5 pounds overweight...I was so ready to rearrange everything...NO PROBLEM MAHN! first class privilege...no extra charge =D I can get used to this! Then we get on the plane...I was feeling all sorts of feelings...We were in ZONE 1 =D got on the plane first...Then BAM...everyone else started to board...and I started to feel sooooo uncomfortable because they'd look at me and my family dead in the eye...and I was reminded of many a times when I'd look at the people in first class and think wow, you're lucky. Wonder if I can ever sit here. There I was, turning away...screaming inside I'm just like you! We sat in the last row on the way here!!! but at the same time, I was totally loving the steward asking me if I wanted more wine, if i wanted Oreos, Snickers, Twix or M&Ms...
Here we are today on Divine Mercy Sunday...His Love for us is FIRST CLASS...can't get any better than that. So we don't have a tone the material luxuries that make things nicer...fancy car, designer wardrobe, hooked up homes...we have something that is greater than first class, Our Savior who died on the cross.
I praise the Lord for this past week...its definitely been enlightening AGAIN. At this point, what I strive to do in order to live first class is to pray that I live Heaven on earth.
Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
So its Good Friday...in reflecting on my life, who I am and how it all ties into the Passion and Death of my Saviour...I'm moved to start venturing into what it means to be be codependent. Those that I italicized, I know for certain I SO AM like that...however those that I left...I wonder...am I like that and don't know it?
So I'm thinking about Jesus in Me...and my relationship with our Triune God and Mama Mary and my pop and mom. I'm thinking about my DH Cookie and my sons. I'm thinking about my brother, my friends and those who have hurt me in the past...where am I in all of it. I go on and come across this,
I'm eager to see what HE has in store this Easter.
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long it'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this along, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Couldn't have said this better myself. All these my priorities and expectations brought me to where I am today. Hence, venturing into uncharted territory of my mind and heart (thoughts that yield "healthy/good" guilt that I grew up to recognize as taboo). I know, despite how this process goes, it will in the end be GOOD...because HE IS GOOD and hasn't failed me yet- I just need to do my part.
